Well, that was less than amusing

In order to marry the love of my life, I have to annul my first marriage. Previous marriage? I get so upset when I think about it, as if having been divorced once, I'm doomed to do so over and over again ad nauseum. Yes, there's been quite a bit of nausea throughout this process. And why? Why is there this stigma against divorce? Half of all Americans do it. Hell, it's practically our patriotic duty.

So, reining in my wine-fueled sarcasm, part of this process involved a FIFTEEN page document that outlined our "courtship" (isn't that fucking quaint?), our marriage, and our domestic demise. Because obviously, the United States government's word that our marriage is over isn't enough for the Roman Catholic Church. NOPE. Gotta pretend it never happened.  It's like MAGIC. I wish I had their magic wand. So, in minute detail, I got to tell strangers in black and white, in a permanent document, that I naively was adamant that I would never be divorced; that our marriage was doomed before it started, but I was so young and naive that I felt I had "made a promise" so I went through with it (complete with being drunk when I said my vows!); that nearly my entire family thought I was making a mistake; that I was verbally abused for nearly the entire marriage; that I wasn't fucking good enough to make it work; oh, and that I cheated on my husband. Not a lot of people know that. Not a lot of people know that he essentially raped me (let me be clear: I cried in pain and lay there while he used my body when he was angry at me. He denied this in our counseling sessions). I got to explain that the sweet man who married us, after weeks of counseling, worried for my safety and sadly said our marriage would never work. I got to explain that he blackmailed me into taking on all of our credit card debt in order to get him to sign the papers. I got to explain how I lived on a sofa for five months, while giving him my half of the rent, because he was spending our stock money (I didn't know we had any!) on video games and a new car and  a new TV and helping out a friend. When I did get my own place, he came over, and I was too scared about what he would do before the cops got there that I didn't call them, but let him in, and he spent the night trying to get in bed with me. So, all this, I got to relive.

I also "got" to get my marriage license and divorce decree. Neither I ever wanted to see again. Did you know I got divorced on my 28th birthday? It should've been the best present ever, but instead it felt like the worst failure of my life.

And then, my future husband calls me today. He says that my ex-husband wants me to call him to prove that the inquiries he's making for the annulment are legitimate. The last time I spoke to that man was over seven years ago, and I called the phone company crying hysterically to change my phone number. They didn't even charge me the change over fee they were supposed to. So, I did. I called him tonight. He laughed. I could hear a child in the background. He wanted to talk. To chat. Finally, my monosyllabic answers and dead tone clued him in. "Do you want me to let you go?" Yes. Dear God in Heaven, yes. Please. Let me go.

P.S. No, it's not fun to buy a $40 present for someone I don't know. Why on earth that seems like it would be fun to anyone is completely beyond me.

Now I remember why I stopped blogging

Because I either write stupid, cheesy, boring things of no consequence or I write maudlin crap.
LAME.

Copernicus says I should start chronicling more of his Oklahoma escapades, but only if I can find a suitable pseudonym for him. I'm not sure even my clever mind could disguise his antics in such a way that the cops would figure out who was responsible.

Also, I have red hair now. It's rather sassy. I think I like it. Someone induced me to do it. My hairstylist was thrilled to color "virgin hair". I also spent a ridiculous amount of money having it done. I'm having palpitations thinking about how much I just spent in fact. Lord, what fools we mortals be . . .

Gamer Girls Gone Judgmental

Apparently, while I was trying to entertain myself at the Comic Shop while Frank and Josh were playing Warhammer 40K, my sarcastic utterances were taken literally by the two ugly girls in the shop. They went up to Josh and actually asked him, "Is she really that dumb?" Now, the guys who bothered to talk to me were amused by my obviously faux-vapid statements and giggles, so I can only imagine that these girls, since they didn't bother to even once talk to me, caught bits and pieces of our conversations and decided, since I was prettier than they, that I must be a complete airhead.
So I was building pyramids out of dice? Color-coordinated ones? Half way through, one of the guys whose dice I had borrowed for my architectural diversion, handed me some different dice to make the pyramid's color scheme more symmetrical. And they were really worried when one of them bumped the table and the pyramid fell. I'd moved on to something else to occupy my time (I think I was telling myself a story), but I thought it was nice that he was concerned.
I admit that I was pleased that Josh's response was something along the lines of "What? No, she's probably smarter than all of us here." Because, come to think of it, only one person I can think of has ever seriously questioned my intelligence, and that person is dead.



Just kidding. He's dead to me though. Changed my phone number after the last time we talked.

Anyway, don't be so judgy!

And, yes, I realize this isn't a well-written piece, and I should not have called those girls ugly, but geez. They were mean and for no good reason. So there!

It's the end of the world as we know it (and I don't feel fine)

Where's Michael Stipe when I need him?

It seems like every relationship around me is collapsing, and not just that slow, sad dissolution, but the big, fiery, soap opera kind. I don't know what to think about it. Obviously it affects me only peripherally, but I still wonder if maybe I'm not internalizing other peoples' issues so much that I'm getting emotionally crippled. It's strange, because I've certainly had enough failed relationships to sour me on romance and love, and yet, hope has sprung eternal after each one.

I'm in a relationship now, and it's a curious thing. I'm enjoying it for the most part, but I feel so disconnected from it. Usually, I'm head over heels by this point (ridiculous, I know, since it's only been two months. Well, not quite that long). Maybe I've matured? Maybe I just don't want to get hurt again? Or hurt someone? Or maybe I'm in the relationship because it was there? I certainly can't see it going anywhere, but then again, none of my others should've, so why is that an issue now? And I'd like to clarify that the gentleman in question is a fine human being, and this has nothing to do with him. This is about me. All about me (isn't it usually?).

Ugh. Sorry to be so maudlin and annoying. What does it all mean . . . blah . . . blah . . . blah . . .

The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire

Get it? I have shingles. They sort of burn. Shingles go on a roof? Oh, never mind.

Saturday, I took a shower and thought about my day. I had decided to not take a road trip as it was overcast and intermittently drizzly. I was sitting on the sofa, talking to Frank, when I scratched my side. OW! HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THAT'S HOLY!!! I pulled up my shirt to see what the hell hurt so badly and could just see what looked like a bite. I asked Frank to look, as the spot was rather inconvenient to see, and he said it looked like a spider bite. Josh came over to look and thought so too. I left it alone. Later that day, I put witch hazel on it, and it was still sort of itchy, but from what I could see, it was okay.

Sunday morning, it was still there, but not any redder or bigger. I didn't think. I went to brunch with the boys at Cheever's (lamb burger, see previous post!), and then did some laundry, etc. Well, I went over to take a walk with Frank at around 7pm, and after, I asked him to check out the spider bite. I was beginning to wonder if it was a rash or maybe an allergic reaction or possibly ring worm. Frank made a very concerned face as soon as he saw the "bite." In fact he said, "I don't think that's a bite." I went and looked in the mirror, and it was bigger, and sort of redder, in the shape of a rectangle (multiple bumps). Not cool. I put a paste of baking soda and water on it to help take some of the heat out of the whatever it was, and that helped for a while.

Monday morning, I called and made an appointment with my doctor. They could get me in at 2:40, so I went to work and did my thing, leaving early to get to the doctor's, way across town, on time. I need not have hurried as they were short staffed, and I waited 35 minutes beyond my appointment. The nurse took me back and weighed me (hey! this heart healthy diet has paid off!) and then took my blood pressure and pulse (I didn't get to see the blood pressure, but the pulse looked good), and then asked what I was in for. I told her and she got a funny look on her face, asked to see it, the funny look got concerned, and then said, "Well, I'm putting it down as a rash, but I think it's shingles." I told her that I hoped she was wrong. "Me too." She told me she'd had them a little while back, just a small patch on her neck, but they went away in two days. So, I was trying to be hopeful.

My doctor came in and I told him what was happening (after we talked about Kirstine and how amazing her daughter is and how he still hasn't found a sailboat--I recommended buying one from a divorcing couple, and he said he's not very social so he doesn't know who's going through one. We both laughed).

He came over, took a look, and said, "Yes. It's shingles." DAMN IT. He asked if I'd been stressed recently (I went to him the first time because of stress-induced panic attacks that manifest as heart attacks--FUN!). No, I've been relatively relaxed lately, eating better, getting more exercise, etc. Maybe my body wasn't used to not being stressed? He smiled patiently at me. Apparently the three triggers for shingles are stress, decreased immune system, and disease (which I imagine is stressful and knocks your immune system around, so it's the double whammy). Or maybe, you just have to be me. C'est ma vie.

He typed up some prescriptions and told me it was very good that I'd come in so soon (the antibiotics are really only effective if you come in within the first 4 days), and that it wasn't contagious unless someone who had never had the chicken pox touched the spots. Since the shingles are appearing high on my side, there shouldn't be ANYONE touching me there, so I'm not really contagious. He did say that if they started hurting more than Tylenol could handle to call him and he'd phone in a prescription for something stronger. That scared me. I asked how long it would last, and he said three weeks to three months. There was no way of knowing.

I left the office, got the prescription, called Jordan for comfort (it's helpful to have a big sister who's a nurse and loves you), and then I called Frank. He'd already had the chicken pox, and being active military is immunized against everything, so he wasn't worried. I started feeling really, really upset, and he told me to come over so he could take care of me. I have to eat with each dose of steroids, so he made me a snack (cheese toast and grapes!), and let me just veg on the sofa. And then he let me create my own Monster Hunter 3 character, and I played that while he read more Honor Harrington (I've got him hooked!). Then he made dinner (one of his rice bowls--man, I really love parentheses), and we watched From Paris with Love, which I was surprisingly entertained by.

I tried to sleep, I really did, but I couldn't get much rest. And the bloody birds are super loud and chipper in the spring time. I woke up, called in to work, went to the store to get milk and a couple things to eat, and now am in bed with Copernicus, Scottia, and y'all. It's surprisingly not crowded in here.

Another reader, and a new website for you to persuse

No, I don't really have anything interesting to say. You'll read this anyway.

The weather is gorgeous outside with sunny, blue skies, and warm temperatures. I'm going for a walk later after I finish my chores. I should do more real cleaning, but I have spring fever BAD. I do have the windows open and I am doing laundry. That's got to count for something.

I had a delicious brunch at Cheever's with Frank and Josh. The lamb burger with goat cheese and a fried egg was today's special. SO AMAZING! I ate it all. That was the reason I went in the first place. I love that they post their upcoming Sunday specials on Facebook. I will more than likely end up at Cheever's for Sunday brunch anyway, but knowing it's one of my favorite specials adds a little emphasis to my desire.

Next weekend is a possible trip to Dallas to watch some roller derby, and the weekend after is a trip to Wichita to meet my friend Brian (he lives in Kansas City, so that's our half way point). So this time I'll get to Kansas "for realsies." Don't worry, I'll take photos.

Ah, yes. The website shout out. My brother is a web hoster. His company is. Whatever. He consults for Tetris, and that's superexciting! Website Hosting by Globalhost. Check it out!

So clean I'm sick

Yesterday was the fun-filled trip to the Kansas border. I've now been to 29 of the 50 states. Yes, I'm counting a layover in Seattle's airport. Shhh.
I hopped in the car with my friend Frank, and we headed northward on I-35 from OKC. My first planned stop was about 25 minutes north in the lovely town of Guthrie, OK, to see the Oklahoma Drug Museum. It was closed for lunch. So we wandered through the cute little downtown area in search of lunch.

We found Stables Cafe and ordered burgers and took in the walls full of kitsch.

Me in a wagon!

After a filling lunch, we walked back to the Museum and were greeted by college students apparently keeping an eye on the place for friends or family. They were studying (it looked like something in the health field) and had no idea if we were allowed to take photographs. "Well, we're planning to before we leave, so go ahead." So, we wandered around, snapping shots, and giggling over the cocaine bottles and the anal dildos for "nervous conditions" that they call "dilators." You know, because we're grown ups. Heroin for your headaches is really pretty hilarious. No? Psh. What do you know?

Come on. Things like this bottle of manliness. Just wow. Even the name at the bottom cracks my 14 year old boy's heart up, "The Hannah & Lay" seriously??? Hee hee hee!!!

Ahem. Yes. Moving on.

After Guthrie, we headed back north, keeping an eagle eye out for Tonkawa, OK. In Tonkawa, says the 2010-2011 Oklahoma State guide, is a heart-shaped corn maze that's open 24/7! Well, I can't find it, so I pull into an old fashioned, small town gas station, and the teenager behind the counter laughs and says, "That hasn't been there for over two years!" I gape at her and tell her it's in the newest guide, and she replies, "If you don't believe me, I can tell you where it is, but my mom worked there before it closed, and then it was something else and that failed too." So, sadly, I got back in the car and put pedal to the metal for Kansas.

Which, I have to say was a disappointment. There is no sign or indication that you've crossed from Oklahoma into Kansas on I-35. NOTHING. It wasn't until I saw mile marker 1 that I realized we'd crossed the state line. I turned around, and on the way south, there is a GINORMOUS sign for Oklahoma. I guess Kansians aren't proud to say "here we are!"

So, that was yesterday. We stopped at Hobby Lobby and picked up some Warhammer 40,000 stuff for Frank (paints and plastic saws, etc.) and some knitting needles and cozy cranberry colored yarn for me. I will post some photos of my progress a little later. It's about 6 inches long right now (I'm making a basic scarf). We watched Zombieland, which was hilarious, and ate leftover Bobo's chicken.

Today, I'm cleaning and feeling sick (I hope it's not the Bobo's!), but trying to power through. I've swept and mopped the living room. I've rearranged the furniture in there as well. I took the cat condo thing and two boxes and two bags of clothes, shoes, etc. to Goodwill. I'm doing tons of laundry. I've cleaned the bathroom. The library area is steadily emptying out. I really meant to clean my bedroom, but I need to put together the chest of drawers I bought back in June from Ikea, and I also need to put up the clothes rack that I haven't made yet in order to put away the clothes that will enable me to clean the bedroom. But I have to clean the bedroom to put up the clothes rack. VICIOUS CIRCLE!!! I found myself shoving things into bags for Goodwill just so I wouldn't have to deal with them. Effective, but I will probably regret some of that at a later date. I also kept getting interrupted by my stomach, and then the next door neighbor's landlord stopped me to chat. He apparently loathes my landlord, so that was fun. I wisely said nothing negative about my landlord. Ah, discretion.

I will do some more cleaning and laundry tomorrow, and then I will do no cleaning or errands on Tuesday, as that is the last day of my sorely needed vacation. Wednesday, it's back to the grind.

All right, I hear laundry calling my name.

Let's see just how boring I can be

I woke up this morning, lazed around reading and cuddling with Copernicus, and then went to get a massage. My friend is studying to recertify for his therapy license, and he needs guinea pigs. I'm a willing volunteer. Two hours later, I can confirm he is ready to set up business for real!
After my massage, I drove to the Mall for a little more me-beauty time. I went to Sephora and picked up a new face powder. I was going to purchase the powder my sister has (it's from Nars), but I realized it's SPF, and I don't want an SPF powder (I already have one). For those of you who don't know, SPF will make you look like a ghost in flash photography. I ended up with a Benefit powder that I really like.

I also purchased a new Nars lip gloss crayon in New Lover

and a phenomenal new brown eyeliner from Too Faced

to complete my crazy shopping spree. I also got one of the ladies to do my makeup. They get surprisingly excited when you simply say, "Make my big eyes bigger, and bring out the green, please." and then give them carte blanche to use whatever products and colors they want. By the end, I had a trio of ladies telling me how gorgeous my eyelashes are and they were all really excited about my look. I like Sephora a lot, as I've never had a makeup artist there not listen, they generally will tell you the absolute truth ("oh, not that color after all, hmm," etc.), and they all seem so enthusiastic. As a retail manager, I'm pretty good at spotting fake enthusiasm, and these people love what they do.
After the makeover, I went to my favorite nail place and settled in for a splurgy pedicure. It was nice to sit and be pampered.
What a great day!
(Berck, are you bored yet?).

Spaghetti with Italian sausage and fancy salad

Here's how I made dinner last night.
First, take a wok and heat olive oil in it. Throw in some garlic, then haphazardly slice some Italian turkey sausage and throw that in. Heat until browned through, breaking up the slices into smaller slices with your slotted spatula, then remove sausage to drain on a paper towel over a plate. Wipe out excess grease, dump in a can of crushed (or petit diced) tomatoes, and remember that you've forgotten the mushrooms.Throw in the sliced baby portabello mushrooms, and turn the heat up to try and cook the mushrooms through. Add Worcestershire sauce (I used the reduced sodium version), basil, oregano, parsley, marjoram, garlic, salt, and pepper. Once the mushrooms are sliceable with the spatula/spoon/whatever, add in tomato sauce. Reup the spices, and lower the heat to simmer. Boil water for pasta (I used wheat spaghetti). Wheat pasta takes a little longer than the other sort. Drain pasta and dump into sauce and toss. Delicious!
The fancy salad consists of lettuce (romaine's tasty), spinach, cilantro, mint, chopped tomatoes (Roma), cucumbers, carrots, and a raspberry vinaigrette.
And, in the broiler, make a little garlic toast. A pat or two of butter with garlic spooned on top of the sliced bread, and don't forget to sprinkle a little parsley on top.
Super, super tasty!

It pays to ask questions

I started on the process of replacing my lost keys today. First up, car keys at 9am. Now, normally, 9am isn't a big deal, but it's my vacation, and waking up before noon seems like an abomination. I made it a bit early and read my latest find in the parking lot, The Bucolic Plague. It's about two guys from Manhattan who buy a historic farm in upstate New York. It's pretty good. The author is a former drag queen. Yes, it's not your typical fare.
When it was time to pony up the money for the new keys, I asked if the lost keys were covered since I'd bought the car within the last year. The usual person who can find that out is on vacation (it must be that time of year), so I got to read for another half hour while they figured it out. Instead of paying a little over $200 to replace the keys, it ended up being $17. So, that was awesome! Yay for buying a new car!!!
After the car place, I stopped out at TJ Maxx (it's the only one I know of in the city, and it's fairly far out (the car dealership is on the edge of the boonies). I found another bra in my new size, a supercute sweater for $3, and some underpants. TMI? I figured I deserved some new things, especially since I just "saved" $180.
And now I've caught up on Castle, am working on catching up on Bones, and am thinking about dinner. I ate some delicious chicken salad with tomato on a mini baguette (yesterday it was cambozola, tomato, and ham on a mini baguette).  Central Market limeade and some lemon olives were the appetizers. Tonight might be spaghetti and salad. Maybe. Hmm.
I'm such a lame blogger.

What a great weekend!

I had such a lovely weekend with my three beautiful sisters. We went to New Orleans and stayed in a fantastic condo in the Warehouse District. It was lent to us by one of my sister's friends. We visited all the old haunts (Cafe du Monde, Cafe Maspero, Community Coffee, Bourbon Street, the French Market, Jax, the levee, etc.), and then we made some new friends (Herbsaint, Cafe Amelie, and Jazz Cafe). The four of us had such a fun time eating, bonding, eating, walking, going to parades, eating . . . you get the idea.

It's been a while

The idea of this blog was to be private. I know that's funny, not really funny ha-ha, but funny stupid, since the internet is anything but private. That privacy and knowledge that it's illusory has kept me from posting. If I want to share some random thought, I just post a stupid status or link or photo on Facebook. Anything more personal or deep, I bottle up. Or tell Copernicus (my cat).
I think I will try to post more frequently. The challenge of balancing privacy with the need to vent or share will be an interesting one.
Who's out there reading anyway?